How it all began...part 1

" I have issues. Please pray"

Those words are how my journey to healing began in January 2008. I had finally spun out of control in my mind and I could not go one minute more alone. Because I didn't believe God was already beside me. I was alone, suffering in a loveless relationship. Trying so despirately to believe it would get better on its own. That doesn't happen.

Lets back up to 2004. August. I left my husband without telling him. I took our children without his knowledge. I was scared to death that he would take them first if I told him how unhappy I was. We did not have a marriage, we were not even good room-mates. We lived a sad life and our children were suffering. I saw no way for us to recover our marriage. Looking back I can't say it was a good move or if I was wrong. Change needed to occur. Immediately. Radical change. Its one of those if I knew then what I know now kind of things, it would have been handled differently for sure.

2005 was an incredibly ugly year trying to sort out how to co-parent from 1500 miles away from each other. My ex-husband would come in at least monthly to see the children. He stayed with us because I knew he had no money but also because I didn't trust him at all. He had every right to leave with our children just like I did. Our divorce was final in May of 2005. It was after this that we started going to church.

We found White Oak Christian Church because God put me on the front door step of some childhood friends that I had not seen in at least 15 or more years! He wanted me at WOCC but I would not understand this for some time. I knew these 2 people in this huge church! I was scared of what people would think of me if they knew how I left with my kids. That I was divorced. I stayed quiet for some time. Then slowly started getting involved in the quilt group and eventually the choir. I was changing. God was working behind the scenes.

Toward the end of 2005, my heart must have softened for my ex-husband because one visit he made things changed drastically. My guard was down because he came to me one night while I was sleeping and things happened between us that had not happened in at least 2 years. At this time the visits came more frequently, our conversations seemed real, we acted like a real family. He even came to church with us when he visited. I thought life was really changing.

2006 was a hard year. Our babysitter that I had used since coming back to Ohio suddenly died. I was heart broken. I started a new job again, this time with normal daytime hours. My Ex moved here to live with us in September.

Things looked like they were turning around!