We are getting to the meat of the matter now. The part of the story that just hurts. Its the part that I spent so many years trying to forget and ignore and then spent every week in counseling for 8 solid months to overcome!
My Dad decided to not be in my life, his grand-daughter's life. OK, I could accept that. But now we are getting into the part that deals with my mom. This is the hard part. This is where Roni and I decided there were 2 parts to my issue--my past relationship with my mom and the disownment from my mom. They are two different issues but are tied tightly together. I guess the best place to start is why Roni wanted me to see a psychologist and then start with the first appointments with the doctor.
Once Eric left in December 2009 and then I settled down some in my mind, I became overwhelmed with thoughts about my mom. I mean nonstop thinking about her, my past, my fears, my anger etc. And then the questions started pouring out to Roni--how could she walk away from her child? why hasn't she ever tried to contact me? why didn't she love me? what did I do to her to make her walk away from me so easily? NONSTOP! And I thought---WHERE in the world did all this come from???? I had put this stuff away years ago and now its resurfacing! I can't deal with my mom!
I had to because it obviously affected me negatively!
Roni gave me the name and number of Dr. L and told me to call. I finally did call her and got a voicemail!!! Are you serious!? I told her my name and how I received her number and would like to set up a time to talk to her. After I got there that first day and started working on the packet in her waiting room, I kept thinking I have lost it completely! I am sitting in an office waiting to talk to a psychologist about things that happened so many years ago and this packet of information she wanted touched on things from A to Z! I was terrified to answer them but I kept hearing Roni in my head saying to me to be open and let her help! She can't help if I don't answer her honestly.........
Honestly--wow, but her questions were very specific, very detailed, covering a lot of topics. All of which I seemed to have issues with. She finally called me into her office on March 31, 2010. I thought I would die right then and there!
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