Towards the end of 2008 it was very evident I was going to have to talk to Eric at some point about our living situation. Our lack of relationship. This brought out an anxiety in me that I had not felt before because I would never face it head on before! I would slip back into denial I suppose and hope things got better on its own so I wouldn't have to say anything at all. Roni had a way of pushing me a little farther out of my comfort zone very gently. We would make a plan for me to talk to Eric and I would panic so we would push out the date a little more until I was a little more prepared. She was also trying to get me to expand my circle of friends within the church because I was really a dot on a line instead of a circle!
Roni would give me 'homework' a little at a time. It could be something like journaling or having me devote so many minutes a day to simply being quiet with God or reading a section of scripture that was pertinent to the moment. But one day she told me I had to find one person besides her and ask them to pray with us. Holy Moly I thought she was insane, she wanted me to do what?! So after my initial panic episode I started thinking about it, who do I talk to already in church but just haven't let into my world? She kept telling me I didn't have to tell them what was going on if I didn't want to, just ask them to pray. God knows the problem, they don't need to necessarily. So I thought of Betty from choir. I also knew her from quilting but it was only surface conversation at this point. Roni thought she was a perfect choice! So one Wednesday at choir I asked her. This particular Wednesday I had planned on talking to Eric after getting home from choir so my anxiety was full tilt with chest pain and all! So the three of us went into a room and Betty knew very little at this point but some things. They prayed for me and by the time we were done and Roni hugged me she said I was shaking and yep I was. I went home and if I remember right the conversation between Eric and I happened. I was asking him to meet with me at a park so we could talk about our current living situation and relationship. The conversations were very one sided usually with him controlling it. That didn't change but I would just end the conversation as quick as I could.
The day came for this meeting with Eric at a park. I had been at church for quilting that morning and Roni came to her office at noon to meet with me for a few minutes before hand. Those few minutes turned into 90minutes! I was curled up on her couch in her office and I was scared to death to do this talk. I can't tell you how many scriptures were read or how long we prayed or talked but she basically walked me to my car and told me to drive to the park and wait for him. I did and he showed up. I told him what I had to say and asked him what his thoughts were. By then end it was stated that something had to end or the current living situation would. I called Roni and I began hearing her when she said--see you did it and survived! God was right there with you! Yes, he was!
New Years Eve Day 2008. Not much had changed by this point and I told him that we needed to go to counseling or we needed to change the living arrangement. The fact that I agreed to professional counseling after Roni talked to me about it for months is huge!
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