A year of changes 2009

After the discussion on New Years Eve with Eric he reluctantly agreed to see a counselor but he kept saying there really was no point. Roni helped me to find the right person. We thought it might be best to have a man, and preferably an African American man. Hoping that this would help Eric a little more and not make him feel out numbered by women. We found this counselor and I made the call. An appointment was set up and I let Eric know when and where to meet me. I am pretty sure I met with Roni prior to the appointment, at least the day before. I know I called her before going in for a little pep talk for sure. I was scared to death to do this, telling people my life was wrong. Telling a professional my life was worse. Up until the appointment time I had no idea if he would show up or not but he did and we met with this man.

Together we met with this man 4 times, I went an additional 2 visits. They did not go well at all. Eric did his usual control the conversation and I would hide in my cave and keep my mouth shut. There was one thing that came out of the 4 visits though. He asked me if I loved him. I told him I didn't. He felt like a stranger living in my house.  When he stopped coming and I continued I decided that I was ending the relationship and going to ask him to move out. I just didn't know when. This counselor said he couldn't support that and made no offer to continue any sessions. I was fine with that because I didn't want to keep coming anyway. This was sometime around the end of March.

Remember the conversations I had started with Roni regarding baptism awhile back? Well they came back around again. She said you know if you want to get baptized again then do it, if it will settle something in your mind then do it. I thought about it some more and one day I asked her if she would baptize me again. I wouldn't want anyone else. We continued to talk about it and at first I just wanted it to be me, her and God present. It ended up being 2 friends, Eric and the kids. God works so good because he had been putting one of these friends in my mind that I needed to add her to my circle but I didn't know why. I kept pushing it aside--when will I learn? So finally one day I called her and told her my plans to get baptized again and would like for her to be there. She asked if I knew that she had been baptized twice also? NO! That spurred a long conversation with us and brought us together as friends.

I committed to a new start with God on 6/9/09 !